Sunday, December 04, 2016

It's okay.

Hey so today I woke up late again, which I'm really getting annoyed about because I can do so much more in the mornings.

I kind of sat around until like 2 in the afternoon, then I just had to get out of the house, so I put all my change into my pocket and got on a bus. I took it to the end of the line, and then I got out and walked around for a while. I didn't really have any plans to go anywhere, and my phone didn't have very much battery, so I walked into this cathedral. That was a good decision. It was so peaceful inside, and everyone was there for a reason, you know? Like, no one has to go to church, they choose to go to church. And so the people there are all connected in that they made the decision to go to church. It wasn't even during a mass or anything, it was off hours, and yet there were probably 40 people there. I thought that was pretty special.

Then I walked around some more, and ended up wandering over by this canal I went to the other day. It surprised me, I hadn't known that's where I was. So I went into a McDonalds and used the wifi (and my remaining battery) to map the way to a museum on the edge of town. It was about a 45 minute walk, but I had no where to be so I headed out. My phone died, but I had an albeit vague idea of the direction. I arrived and was pretty dang proud of myself. I went inside and went to the bathroom, then this vending machine which has 80 cent hot cocoa. I got one, and counted my change to see if I could get another. I did have enough, but if I got a hot cocoa I wouldn't be able to get home, so I made the very difficult decision not to get one.

Then I went home. It was a nice long ride, and I fell asleep.

I got home and felt pretty great. I even did a bunch of homework. I think maybe if I start off the day doing something, it will be easier to get the things I need done.

Also, I really need to get another crush. I love crushing on people. When I don't have someone to crush on all I can do is watch Gilmore Girls, the episodes where Rory and Jess are together. It's terrible. I need a life.

Okay. I love music right now. It's making everything okay. Everything is going to be okay.

Thank you.

Saturday, December 03, 2016

Checking in

I think I'm just gonna try to make this more like a journal, because I really, really want to have something creative to do or else my brain might explode. Okay. Let me know how it's going.

I feel kinda bad, I don't have any photos to share right now, maybe I'll add some some other time, if I keep this up at all.

So. Let me tell you about my day.

I woke up at like 10, because, well, I think I probably went to bed late last night. Yep, that's it. Because I was skyping my family and doing homework and stuff.

So, yeah. I woke up at like 10. Which in all honesty is pretty okay for a Saturday, right?

But then I just had such a useless day.

I spend all morning like, sitting in bed. I took a shower? I guess? But that doesn't count as a thing for me right now. Then I spent like 2 hours grocery shopping, because I'm stingy and went to like 4 separate stores to get the best prices.

Wow it took forever. So at least that let me check a whole bunch of stuff off my list, but I still have all this stuff taking up head space, you know? Like, all these little things that are constantly fighting to be my number-one priority.

So I couldn't focus, and I didn't really want to, and I just felt really crappy.

I watched a lot of Modern Family. Good show, by the way. It's one of those things where you can sort of start anywhere and feel pretty caught up within a couple minutes, and you don't really get too attached, like you don't necessarily feel the urge to marathon it, if that makes sense. It serves a unique purpose, and for me that purpose is when I need something to occupy my brain just enough. I guess that's everything's purpose though.

I got really tired around 5, but I stayed awake, so now I am wary of getting up lest I get tired again. I feel so trapped. If I don't do anything, I'll regret it, but if I get up and don't get tired or don't go to sleep, then I could end up staying up really late, and I don't want to stay up very late tonight because my days are better when I get up early. So now I'm just sitting in bed listening to music.

I made a lot of food, and I ate it, and I wasn't actually very hungry. I think I may be getting sick, which would actually make me feel better because then at least I have an excuse for feeling so funny.

And it means it's not going to last forever. Even though right now that's what it seems like.

Now I just feel pretty useless, because I spent all day around here, when I could have done all these fun things. It's quite annoying because I only want to do stuff in daylight, but daylight is so short.

And I feel like I can't enjoy myself until I have finished everything I need to get done, but I feel like I can't do the things I need to get done until... Monday? I guess? I'm not sure. Maybe I'm just procrastinating.

Yeah. I'm feeling off. Thank you. Check in again soon.